Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Im back....

Been a while, but i guess im back..... wooo.

Its been what 2 years since i last posted here and wiped out the blog. Guess that if any one from back then is actually looking these days, its their own tough luck really.

So why did i disappear the blog, where have i been, all that kind of garbage..... Guess theres a lot i need to fill folks in on really, and to be honest, right now i dont know if i can do "that" story just yet.

Instead who am i these days, and what have i been up to recently... i guess thats a better place to start for any newbies....

My name is Delusion. It has been for over a decade now, and is as good as my given name really. Ask me nicely and ill fill you in on where it came from sometime.

For the past year ive been trying to get away from it all. My involvement with QGO/Gamesrouter - a now defunct mmorpg provider as their webmaster and community liason, Faust & Deadlock meant that for a while, it was easier to try to be someone else for a bit, and to that end i became "Etruscan" for a while. I still use that name a lot, but its not who i am really, Delusion is part of me now, and i cant escape that i guess.

After things went pete tong with Gamesrouter, i moved back to south wales to live with family rather than become homeless again, and have recently picked up a job with a local university. Its not the best job in the world, but its not the hardest job either, so its easy money really.

I currently live with two family members, both diagnosed as Manic Depressive, and both having given up their respective job and education to persue careers in being "long term sick". Over the past year ive been hounded by the Inland Revenue for taxes i didnt owe to the tune of about £100k, which they later decided i didnt owe in the first place and have written off, and am currently dealing with some severe health problems which arent all that fun.

People think of me as a nice fun guy, with an evil streak a mile wide. A lot of people that have known me a long time have mentioned that recently i seem to have changed a lot, and its true, i have changed. Im more cynical these days, a lot more evil and vindictive, i have a shorter temper and far less time for empathising and helping people out.

I think its because over the past couple of years, ive lost that much, that ive stopped caring now. I havent seen my son in almost 3 years now, ive been homeless twice and lost almost everything i owned so often ive stopped caring about material possessions the way others do. Sure i like to splash out on stuff, but its just stuff these days, i dont need things any more, i just get the things i feel like having, and do the things i feel like doing.

I dont do relationships any more. Well to be fair i dont think any member of the opposite sex in her right mind would be interested, and to be perfectly honest, if i liked someone enough to have a relationship id have to end it purely out of concern for the other person really. Im not the best person really.

People irritate me too quickly these days. So often now people you think should know better, or actually be better come out with small minded bigotry and are so self absorbed its pointless. Maybe its the time we live in, where we are force fed the paranoid ravings of a schitzoid society where we cant be too fat but must eat well, but cant be too thin, where global warming is an issue we have to take head on individually , knowing full well there are countries out there that increase their own rate of damage to the environment faster than we could ever hope to reduce our own. We see terrorists in every crowd, chavs and scum on every street corner and the government keeps taking more of our civil liberties in the interest of the public good, and people buy into it more and more. We seem to have become a "Me" generation where we preach tolerance and respect, but only really care about ourselves and our own views, and it sickens me.

Thats getting way off topic, but i guess it illustrates the point as well. I am different to the Del that used to write here a scant 24 months ago. Welll anyhoos its getting late, and ive got work in the morning.

Ill do my best to start working on this more often. With any luck this latest incarnation of my blog will last for a while and we can say for sure that im back on the air.

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